


Room to Breathe

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Returns, Arthur-centric, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, Getting Together, I'm Bad At Summaries, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Episode: s05e13 The Diamond of the Day, Post-Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-12-02 17:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11513661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: A year after returning Arthur is still struggling to find his place in a world still so new to him. He sets off on his own to figure out who he is now that he doesn't have a kingdom or a crown. Along the way he realizes he was never quite as along as he thought he was, leading to some realizations about his relationship with Merlin.





	Room to Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Wow okay. This one was a bit unexpected. I love Merlin and Merthur but was never sure how well I'd be able to write them and was a little afraid since they're so precious to me. o it never happened. Until now. Still a bit nervous about writing these two but here it is. Title and fic inspire by "[Room to Breathe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPtUV01R1RE)" by You Me At Six. It came on in the car and even though I'd heard it tons of times the lyrics "I am no king. I have no crown." just made me think of Arthur and then this happened.  
> This has not been beta read so any mistakes are my own.

_I feel a little lost in this world_  
_I try a little noise and choke_  
_I've honestly never felt this alone…_  
_I am no king_  
_I have no throne_

It isn't that Arthur wasn't adjusting to the modern world. Sure, he had his rough moments when he'd first returned. A memorable one had been realizing that the people in the television weren't actually trapped in there. That one had involved Arthur standing with his sword pointing at the TV, demanding that the box release the prisoners. Merlin had walked in from the kitchen to find Arthur like that and had to gently explain that the box was a television and it was a bit like a portrait, except the pictures moved and talked. Arthur had still been a bit suspicious, but came around eventually. As he did with other things including modern day vehicles and ways of communicating. He still finds himself fascinated that he can simply hit a button and talk to Merlin, or travel places quickly in a car, bus, or train. He still hasn't managed to get on a plain yet, not quite trusting the thing to stay in the sky. 

So yes, Arthur has adjusted to the modern world pretty well. He can go to town on his own without being startled by the vehicles and how loud and different everything is. His main issue is what his place in this world is. He is no longer a king. He doesn't have a kingdom, throne, or crown. He's just a man. Back in Camelot he might have sometimes wondered what life would be like without all his responsibilities. This is different. He no longer has to imagine. He's just Arthur here and he's not quite sure who this Arthur is.

Arthur finds himself feeling alone. More along than he ever felt before. Even back in Camelot when he felt like he had to shoulder all the responsibility of being King by himself. But even then he had his knights and Guinevere, and of course Merlin. He still had Merlin. But everyone else was gone, disappeared right along with the world he used to know. All except for Merlin. 

Arthur is grateful to have Merlin. Merlin has made his return easier than it would have been had he been completely alone. But Merlin still sees him as Arthur, King of Camelot. And Arthur isn’t quite sure he’s that man anymore. He doesn’t want Merlin sticking around out of some sense of duty. Merlin spent over a thousand years waiting for Arthur, the man deserved a break. And Arthur, well he needed to figure out just who he was and what he was meant to do.

So Arthur makes a decision, he’s going to go out on his own. Arthur considers leaving a note, wanting to avoid an argument with Merlin, but he knows that wouldn’t be fair to the man. Not after everything Merlin has done for him. 

Merlin, of course, doesn’t like the idea. “You can’t just leave Arthur.”

“And exactly why is that Merlin?” Arthur asks.

“Because you’re not ready. You’ve only been back…”

“A year.” Arthur cuts in, having been ready for this argument “I’ve been back for a year. I know all about cars and trains and buses. I know how to shop on my own. How to use the technology. I’ll be fine, Merlin. I’m not an idiot.”

“I never said you were. I just… do you not like it here?” Merlin doesn’t meet Arthur’s eyes, instead focuses on his hands.

“I like it here fine, Merlin.” Arthur says, putting a hand on the other man’s shoulder “I just need some time on my own. I need to figure out who I am now. I’m not king anymore. I don’t have a kingdom to rule or defend. I have…”

“You have me.” Merlin says, looking back up at Arthur.

Arthur sighs “I know I do. And that means a lot to me Merlin. You need to know this isn’t about you. It’s about me figuring out what my place is in this world is.”

Merlin smiles “You know most people never really figure that out, right? People in this time spend most of their lives trying to find their purpose and most never do.”

“That’s not very reassuring.” Arthur says with a smile of his own “Those people are also not resurrected kings who are having an identity crisis.”

“True.”

“So, do you understand? Why I need to leave for a while?”

Merlin nods “I do. You just better check in at least once a week so I know your alive.”

“And because you’ll miss me.” 

Merlin doesn’t even bother denying it, just nods solemnly. “I will.”

Arthur squeezes his shoulder “I’ll miss you too, Merlin.”

Arthur sets off early the next morning, not surprised to see Merlin awake to see him off. Merlin hands Arthur a bag with food and water and a wallet which Arthur is sure has money in it. Merlin stands there, hands swinging at his sides and Arthur just knows what he’s holding back from doing. Sitting his bags on the floor, Arthur steps up to Merlin and pulls the man in for a hug. Merlin stands still at first, momentarily caught off guard, before folding his own arms around Arthur. One thing Arthur knows about who he is now is that he won’t hesitate to show Merlin he’s appreciated. If that means hugging, then he’ll be someone that gives hugs. 

“I’ll be back.” Arthur tells Merlin, before he pulls back. He places one final squeeze on Merlin’s shoulder before grabbing his bags and heading out the door, looking back at Merlin one last time before he closes the door behind him. 

Taking a deep breath, he sets off in the direction he knows Camelot once stood. He knows he walked this far, or farther, before but now his legs aren’t quite used to it yet so he keeps his pace slow. He just needs to see for himself what happened to his kingdom for himself. Maybe then he’ll be able to move on. He had asked Merlin about visiting the place when he’d first came back but Merlin had been hesitant about the idea, not thinking Arthur was ready for that yet. Arthur had been angry back then but now he understands. When Arthur had first returned he’d been overwhelmed with how much things had changed, so seeing what had become of his kingdom probably would have been too much for him. 

It’s been a year though. He knows things have changed since he was alive before. He knows Camelot is gone. He just needs to see it for himself. He knows he’s ready. He still didn’t tell Merlin where he was going. Something tells him Merlin probably knows. Arthur pulls out a map and studies it, deciding to stick to the roads for now to make the journey easier. 

When it starts getting dark he stops for the night at a local inn he sees in a small village. The inn is small, having a bar and restaurant downstairs with a few rooms upstairs. It reminds him of some of the places he used to stay in on his journeys with Merlin and the knights, and he feels a little twinge in his gut at the memory. He feels that whenever he thinks of the knights and Guinevere. Wondering why he’s hear again while they’re all still dead. Is this how Merlin felt all those years he spent waiting? 

He spends the next few days traveling, sometimes walking, sometimes giving in and taking a bus to give himself time to rest. He finds himself enjoying spending so much time out in nature again. Being among the trees and the wildlife, he already feels something lifting off of his chest. Maybe this is part of what he’d been missing. Sure, he went outside, but a lot of the time he spent in doors waiting on Merlin to get home from work. Maybe he needed something that was just for him. A job of his own. It’s that thought that causes Arthur to pause. A job didn’t seem like such a bad idea. Sure, he didn’t have much experience here in this new world but surely there was something he could do that would make him feel useful. 

It’s another few hour of walking before Arthur stops and looks around. It should be here. This is where Camelot should be. Instead it’s just fields and trees and a few houses. No castle. No village. Nothing like it used to be. Even though he had been expecting something like this he still finds himself overwhelmed. His home, everything that had represented who he was before is gone. Falling to his knees he puts his head in his hands and cries for the first time in months, finally allowing himself to mourn the loss of his kingdom and his friends. 

He doesn’t know how long he sits there like that, it could have been minutes our hours. He’s pulled out of his thoughts when he notices a piece of paper floating towards him, coming to a stop right in front of his legs. Confused, Arthur hesitantly reaches out and picks up the piece of paper. Turning the paper over in his hands he notices his name written on the outside in Merlin’s familiar writing. Arthur smiles, of course Merlin would find a way to get a note to him. Shaking his head, he opens the note, reading over the contents. 

_“Arthur,_

_I understand why you had to go. I may not like it all that much but I understand. I know it can’t be easy to be thrown into this world and not know what your purpose is. I also know where you’re probably going and why you feel you need to go there. Just know that you’re not alone and I’ll be here if you need me, Arthur. Always. You’ll always have a home here with me. Not because you’re my king but because you’re my friend and ~~I love you~~ ” Arthur pulls the letter closer, trying to examine the words Merlin crossed out. One of them looks suspiciously like love. Arthur feels a flutter in his gut and finds he doesn’t quite mind that all that much. Something to be examined later. He moves on to the rest of the letter “I care about you. I want you to be happy, whether that’s here or somewhere else. I hope you find what you’re looking for._

_Merlin”_

Arthur takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. _Merlin_. Merlin has always been there, steadfast and loyal, waiting centuries for his return, never once wavering in his belief he would see Arthur again. Who stood by Arthur even as he screamed and raged and demanded to be brought to Camelot. Who helped Arthur learn the ways of the modern world with patience and understanding. Who can understand more than anyone what it’s like to have lost Camelot and all the people he cares about, probably even more than Arthur since he’s had centuries of loving and losing people. Arthur has been a fool. 

Standing up, Arthur puts the note in his pocket, wanting to keep it close to him. He takes one last look around before setting off back the way he came, towards home, towards Merlin. This time Arthur buys a train ticket, wanting to get back as fast as he can. 

He spends the time on the train thinking about his relationship with Merlin. Sure, they were friends, but even back in Camelot Arthur knew they were always dancing around each other, always on the verge of something more than friendship, neither one brave enough to take the next step. Back then the thought would have filled him with guilt, not just because of Guinevere but because things like that just didn’t happen between two men. At least they weren’t spoken about. He knows he loved Guinevere, but the way he felt for Merlin was different. Is different. It seems bigger.

Merlin was always his first thought in the morning and the last thought before he went to bed. At the beginning, it was because he wondered where his manservant was or if he’d actually be competent the next day, but it grew to something more than that. He found himself missing the man when he wasn’t there. Arthur sighs as he looks out the window, watching the countryside roll by. He really has been an idiot. He was going to change that. As soon as he got home. To Merlin. 

Arthur is surprised to find Merlin awake and waiting for him when he returns home late the next night. “You didn’t spend all this time waiting for me, did you?”

Merlin grins, pulling Arthur into a hug, which Arthur returns “I’ll always wait for you Arthur.” It’s a big statement. Arthur knows just how true it is. Still, Merlin pulls back with his grin still in place and leads Arthur into the kitchen “But no. I did not wait in that exact spot. I do have a job, you know?”

“I know that _Merlin_.” Arthur says, rolling his eyes “Speaking of jobs. I was thinking I should get one.”

Merlin pauses from where he’s gathering up supplies to make sandwiches, turning his head to look at Arthur “A job? Doing what?”

Arthur shrugs “I don’t know yet. Something where I can help people. Like a firefighter.”

Merlin whirls around so fast he drops the mayonnaise he was holding, walking forward until he’s right in front of Arthur “You are not going to a firefighter. Do you know how dangerous that is? I just got you back. I am not going to lose you because you decided you wanted to risk your life running into burning buildings!”

Arthur grabs Merlin’s arms, holding him still to stop him from swinging them “Other people have jobs as firefighters.”

“They’re not you.” Merlin grits out, eyes wide and slightly panicked. 

“Merlin. Breathe. It was only a suggestion. I’m sure there are other things I can do.”

Merlin nods, his shoulders deflating “Sorry. I just…”

“Can’t lose me?” When Merlin nods, Arthur brings a hand up to rest on his cheek, causing the other man to look up at him with wide eyes “You know I got your letter. I noticed that you’d written something and crossed it out.”

“Oh umm… that was a typo.”

“It was handwritten, Merlin.”

“It wasn’t anything. It was just spelling error.” Merlin eyes dart around, focusing on anything but Arthur.

Arthur runs his thumb along Merlin’s cheekbone, smiling at how the movement causes Merlin to gasp slightly “Hmm it looked a little bit like ‘I love you’ to me.”

Merlin looks at Arthur, studying his face for any hint of anger or rejection. Finding none, he takes a deep breath, stealing himself “It was.”

“Why’d you cross it out?” Arthur asks

“Because I realized I didn’t want to say it in a letter. And I wasn’t sure how you felt.” 

Arthur moves his other hand to run through the hair at the back of Merlin’s neck. “Did you mean it?”

Merlin closes his eyes, losing himself in the feeling. Only coming back to himself when he feels a tug on his hair and remembers Arthur asked him a question. He opens his eyes to find Arthur much closer than before, wearing a fond smile. What was going on here? Right, Arthur had asked if he’d meant it when he said he loved him. “I did.” 

Arthur’s silent for a moment, watching the way his hand moves across Merlin’s face, before lifting his eyes to meet Merlin’s. Arthur knows they’re on the brink of something here and finds that he doesn’t feel scared. He had plenty of time to think this through on the train. He knows what he wants and he wants this, with Merlin. He feels something settle inside him. “I love you too.”

Merlin grins then, bright and brilliant, his eyes alight with hope. Arthur can only lean forward, finally meeting Merlin’s lips in a kiss that has been centuries in the making. “You’re not going to be a firefighter.” Merlin kisses him again “Or a cop.” Another kiss “Or anything dangerous.”

Arthur can only laugh, pulling Merlin tighter against him “Whatever you say, Merlin.”

Arthur might not have everything figured out. He might not know exactly what he’s supposed to do. But he knows where he’s supposed to be, here, with Merlin. He’s not alone. Together they can figure out the rest. Well, as long as it’s not anything dangerous.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! Kudos/comments make my day.  
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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